The truth is….I don’t know how to raise my kids.

I know that may sound like the strangest thing ever but it’s true. While I have been a mom for the last 11 years of my life, I finally came to a realization a few months ago, I really don’t know what the heck I am doing. LOL Yes I can give great parenting advice but I still don’t know the best way to raise my kids and here is why. My children are on loan from heaven and I am charged with stewarding them in the best way possible but outside of Holy Spirit, I am lost. I know that may sound deep to some, but it’s the reality of my house. The word tells us in Psalm 127:3,

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward." 

I love the Good News Translation even better, 

"Children are rewards from God, so we must follow his word to truly cherish his gifts."

I have three different children and the two that are old enough to have opinions and personalities RUN ME RAGGED! So some days they don't always seem like the reward that they truly are. LOL

For example, even with Eve’s speech disorder and other issues, underneath it all she is still an attitudinal, hormonal PRE-TEEN. She tests my Holy Ghost almost every day with her facial expressions, especially the ones she doesn’t think that I can see. But there are moments that our struggle is not about what’s going right with her, it’s about what she is healed from (speaking it into existence). Sometimes my patience is thin and I forget that she doesn’t know how to do something or that her brain is not letting her process my multi-step request in a way that she can comfortably complete the task.

Holy Spirit reprimanded me so good one day while I was fussing at her, he said “She cannot “know” something that you have not committed to re-teaching her, you know how her brain works so why are you yelling?” Insert face palm emoji right here! I was so embarrassed but thankful for His chastisement all at the same time. With Apraxia, Eve has to re-learn the same task over and over and sometimes it takes her brain a minute to process what we are telling her to do. I know this but in the moment I just wanted her to do what I asked but the fact is that she couldn’t without some help. 

It was at that moment that I realized that I don’t really know what I am doing all of the time and I am determined not to damage my children because of my ignorance and lack of patience. So my prayer changed from a selfish one of just wanting my baby to be miraculously healed, to me asking God, "How I can take part in the process?" I began to ask Him to teach me how to raise her to be who He destined for her to be and not just who I desire for her to be. I apply this same prayer for Chloe and Caleb as well, if you have followed me for any length of time on Facebook, you know I need help with that Chloe Marie. 

No matter how long you have been a parent and a parent to your children, these kids don’t belong to us. Their purpose has and always will be tied to us but how often do we really consider whether or not our parenting tactics are destroying their ability to be who God intended for them to be? Have you considered that maybe you aren’t doing it right for THAT child? Jeremiah 29:11 can certainly be applied here, because God knows the plans and the desires that He has for our children and that should be what trumps our own plans and desires for them. 

 Have you taken time lately or ever to ask Holy Spirit to lead you and guide you with each child? Well if not it’s never too late to repent and make a change. Let’s pray together.

Father, I thank you for my children and the blessings that they are to me, my family, and all those that they come into contact with.  I thank you for choosing me to parent them but I realize that I have to ask that you would forgive me for not consulting you at all times for the best way to parent them. I realize that they are simply on loan from your heart to mine and because you have created them, you know them much better than I do. So I ask that you would help me to rid my heart of my plans and desires for them and replace them with your plans and purposes. I ask for insight into your “owner’s manual” for them so that I can steward them to be who you have always intended them to be. I remove myself from being a hindrance to your plans for my children and I say “Yes” to what you desire of me for them. In Jesus’ name, Amen!

*The picture above is my husband and our two youngest children. Keep him lifted guys lol.