Today was the first day, I have ever said that to God or anyone. If you ask anyone, I am a very optimistic person. I think it’s one of my greatest gifts from God, to see the potential of people and situations through His eyes. I am typically able to see the good in a bin full of trash, LOL. But this morning was not one of those mornings. “They” say, “There’s light at the end of the tunnel” but it just felt dark.
Nothing in particular happened, I was just triggered by life and the weight of where I am versus where I thought I would be. The desires, dreams, and goals I had/have were coming to mind but the reality of life felt so far from that.
When I woke, I tried to go to my secret place (the bathroom) to just be with God before my day started, but Joshua was awake and his apple sauce only occupied him for so long. I tried to pray in the shower but it was hard over the screams of him wanting to get in the shower, even though he didn’t need a shower. (Gotta love toddlers!) As I got dressed, I tried to express my gratitude for all that I have and shift my focus on the goodness of God but it just felt like it wasn’t working to shift my attitude.
Then I had to enlist my husband to pray for me and of course, he prayed. Everything he said spoke right to where I was but I still felt off and very negative in my thinking. I text my best sister friends to enlist their prayers, without going into much detail and of course my very own “Aaron” and “Hur” assured me that they were “holding my arms up” (see Exodus 17 for context). Knowing my sisters, I know they immediately laid me before God but I still just felt off.
As the morning progressed, I kept moving. I kept telling myself, “I am not going to let how I feel keep me from moving forward.” I conducted business, started working on my assignments for the day (for my 9-5 lol), and I turned on my worship music. But then I got a phone call from one of my big sister/friends who was just calling to apologize for not responding to my texts. I asked her to pray for me and I just broke, I began to pour my heart out to her and that’s when I uttered those words, “I can hear his voice, but I can’t see the light.” It hit me like bricks and to be honest, I am crying again typing this. My sister knew exactly where I was and rather than trying to over spiritualize the moment, she let me talk. She allowed me to be vulnerable, then expressed that she knew exactly what I was feeling and provided some wisdom. Lastly, she prayed and I finally felt the presence and love of God I had been needing all morning.
Did it change my circumstances? No. Was it just her prayer that finally moved something? No. But what our conversation and her prayer did was remove the “umbrella” that was hiding the light. (See my son’s picture) Sometimes, life can feel so hard, unfair, and just cruel. Sometimes it’s not a feeling, sometimes it just is. While our circumstances may not be the same our symptoms of life usually are. Life is the umbrella opened over us to keep us from seeing the light all around us.
My prayer for you and I today, is that the Lord would send His presence, His peace, and His ministering angels to help us in our moments of weakness, like He did for me today. When we think of ministering angels, we usually visualize a winged being coming to pick us up and carry us somewhere, or maybe that’s just my mental picture. Revelations refers to the leaders of each church as “the angel of the house” and I believe that sometimes our “ministering angels” come in the form of close friends who have the right words at the right time to minister to our hearts and souls.
Just as I keep telling myself, I encourage you to remember, your circumstances are temporary but God is eternal. Keep hoping, keep believing, and keep MOVING FORWARD. ♥️